I am guilty of staying in the waiting room of my own life for way too long.
This really affected a range of areas in my life - like waiting for an adventure buddy, who would get me motivated and to feel secure and safe while going hiking or traveling. Or perhaps I was waiting for the perfect man to come along and buy me flowers every Friday.
It wasn't ever one big issue, it had many different facets. Kind of like a kaleidoscope of insecurities and discomforts that stopped me from enjoying and cherishing my life to the fullest.
The best example of them all - my intense anxiety of driving!
I got my drivers license when I was 19. Pretty standard. Passed my test at the first go and from that moment on had that little card in my wallet. And that is all it was - in my wallet. I was really scared of driving by myself. I stalled the car, had trouble parking and upset quiet a few other drivers - just as any other newbie would. For some reason my anxiety grew bigger and bigger, and instead of becoming more confident I started to crumble.
I dealt with it the only way I knew back then. I simply stopped driving altogether and cut that part out of my life. Public transport and getting lifts of people was just simpler and easier on my poor nerves.
This went on for 11 years! I kept on waiting for a person who might help me get past my anxiety, insure me on their car, practice with me...
Meanwhile I had a lot of possibilities to grow as a person, including many challenges that I overcame and that made me stronger and braver. Eventually it just started to nag me. I didn't want to rely on other people anymore. Every time I wanted to go hiking or exploring I had to bother people for a lift. Not ideal if you want to be spontaneous and brave or independent.
I had to start from scratch. Which foot pedal in the car was used for what? No idea! I booked my first driving lesson and all I can say is - bless the patience and kindness of my instructor. It made me physically ill to know that I had a lesson lined up for the next morning and during the lessons I was mostly erratic.
Eventually things started to calm down. My mind was clearer while driving and I was able to control my fear a bit more. Little by little I was improving.
At some point I cut the bullsh*it. It became very clear that if I want to take it any further I will have to own a car.
I went ahead and bought my first ever car. A little Nissan, 12 years old and still going strong.
I was and still am the proudest girl in the world.
Things were not easy from the start. I was still getting beeped at, driving excruciatingly slow and parking like a lunatic.
Nevertheless I kept going. Something had changed within me. I was able to accept it as part of a learning curve instead of a certain sign that I am simply not cut out to do this.
I am telling you this story to reassure you. There is nothing wrong with being scared of something or being bad at it at first. Not even if it sounds trivial to others.
There is nothing wrong with failing publicly over and over again. I started to live a life where I dismiss my anxieties and sit down with my fears. Inviting them in like an old friend instead of trying to push them down and stay away from situations that awaken them. I don't need fixing, I never needed someone who would sort me out or give me a helping hand on this matter. All it needed was to step into my own power and to hold my own hand during the tough times.
I had to become my own Daddy.
My anxiety of driving is just one of the many areas in my life where this applies. Many people do not struggle and have never struggled with driving at all, but this goes to show that a challenge looks different for everyone.
Whatever your fears are or whatever areas you feel like you need saving. I want to invite you to embrace the journey and step into your own power. You are strong, powerful and loving. I know you got this.
ILYSM!
